He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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