im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
