She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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