We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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