Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
