I met the friendliest cop last night
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
