Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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