Can i not drive my cunt home
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
