there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
