I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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