I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
