oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
