just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
