So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
