I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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