are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
