Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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