Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
