How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize