In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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