oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
