Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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