I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
