well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
