At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
