Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize