Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
