please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize