imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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