ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
