I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish I only lived at night.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
