So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
