My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The best revenge is premature balding
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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