Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize