Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
