My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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