Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize