that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
