I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
