yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
