I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
