i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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