You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
