We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize