I can text with my tongue
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
