HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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