He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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