first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Randomize
