I wish I could teleport
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
