Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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