is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
