btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
