your parents love me but you hate me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
