I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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