Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
