i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
