I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
