is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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