don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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