SEEEEXXX PLEASE
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
