M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
