Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
