oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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