OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
