Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My cat gives me a boner
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
