my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
