I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
