We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
